The last Diary I posted was about how I had just been denied for Social Security Disability, and was waiting to find out if my lawyer was going to drop my case. Unfortunately, she did, and after speaking with her about it. I realized that since I’m fine as long as I don’t have a job. I couldn’t prove that I was not fine when having a job. That it was the work environment itself that was a problem for me.
The two years I spent waiting for the process of Social Security approval or denial taught me one very important thing. The process and waiting, by itself, destroyed my mental health. Appeal, especially without a lawyer, would just cause me more issues than it would solve.
I moved on. I said “fuck this shit” and gave up. My newly relaxed state. Without the decision hanging over my head. Allowed me to think about what I could do.
Finding a new in person retail job. Now that was just plain out of the question. For various familial, economic, and health reasons. It would be more of a burden than a solution.
Desperate to find something. Anything, I could do part-time from home. Proofreading! That was it! I’d attempted to become a Beta-Reader years before, but it’s hard to find anyone willing to pay for that outside of the traditional publishing world. For some funny reason publishers just don’t seem to be inclined to hire someone with a twenty year old Associates in Electronics. To be a fiction Beta-Reader.
I signed up for a couple of free proofreading classes, and thought about auditing or taking some English courses with my Alma Mater to give me something to point at for employers. Since, as far as I knew. One of my oldest friends worked in their Admissions Office, and New York State had made Community Colleges free for all residents over the decades since I attended college. Turns out I was wrong on both counts. My buddy Jaun now worked for the Department of Labor, and our old college would cost me money to attend anything. Since I wasn’t fresh out of high school, and too young for the Phoenix Program.
Jaun though. Juan had an actual solution for me! Coursera and the New York State Department of Labor have a partnership. New York State residents can get a no cost Coursera Plus account. It’s ostensibly for the unemployed. However, I suspect that the grant that funds it is a use it or lose it grant. It looks to be available to any New York State resident. I could take classes that included editing and proofreading for free!
Signing up for everything and anything that could give me credentials for editing and proofreading. I enrolled myself in a couple of Creative Writing courses. For years now. I’ve thought that I didn’t have the switch for writing fiction. That I was more of a Blog or Opinion kind of guy. When I compared my submissions in the Creative Writing classes to the other submissions while Peer Grading. I realized that I could actually do it! I can write decent fiction. At least in small doses.
I signed up for a series of Webinars by Orbit Books on writing your first SFF novel. That happened to start at a fortuitous time for me.
I’ve made myself a Royal Road account and started posting a Web Novel, and a short story I wrote for class that I particularly liked. I’m participating in my first Nanowriter contest. My wife is also extremely supportive of my trying to become an Author.
The last week though. I’ve been panicking. I have no idea if I can actually make a go of this. Especially since I already tried Blogging and failed miserably. I’m scared that I can’t keep up the pace necessary to write books. That I won’t be able to get myself to spend time writing and make it a habit (this diary is actually helping me do my writing for today). That my ADHD will sabotage me.
Oddly enough. Thanks to Twilight and 50 Shades of Gray. I’m not worried that my work won’t be good enough to sell. Quality seems to have very little correlation to success in the publishing world.