Whether people celebrate certain holidays or not, the winter season is one filled with messages of family, community, and warmth. For many people, however, the holiday season can be a painful one. Some people are estranged from family due to LGBTQ identity, divorce, or trauma, among other reasons, while others simply live far apart due to incarceration, immigration, or life changes.
Marginalized folks, even those close to family and friends, may also experience extra stress or sadness around the season. Low-income people, for example, may stress over not being able to buy enough presents or experience anxiety about how to cover increased child care costs while school is no longer in session. People with disabilities may face extra obstacles when it comes to visiting someone’s home or dealing with mobility issues due to weather. And of course, sometimes people could just use a little extra support, no matter what day of the year it is.
Want to support people in your life this holiday season, but feel stumped on how to do so? No advice will work perfectly for all people or situations, but these suggestions might help you get started.
1. Offer specific forms of support
Accepting help can be uncomfortable. On the other side, even offering help can feel uncomfortable: You might feel concerned that you’re overstepping, offending, or otherwise creating an awkward situation out of thin air. Still, one of the best ways to combat this awkwardness is to make space for people in your life to tell you what sort of care or help they’re actually seeking.
Some examples? A friend recently estranged from family might really appreciate an explicit offer to make plans over a holiday break. A neighbor that’s pretty isolated might take you up on the chance to get out of town together for a day trip. A family member who lives across the country might feel more included in festivities if you offer to video call instead of just text. The way to know, of course, is to ask.
Jor-El Caraballo, a mental health professional and relationship therapist, suggested the following questions when speaking to Bustle on how to support a partner who is estranged from family during the holidays. "Some questions to consider together are: How you are feeling about not going home for the holidays? What does your ideal time during the holidays look like? How can I best support you during the holidays?"